Friends from the Journey

Dear Diary,
You know what?? I hate my life as El Brujo. You would think that I am happy because I am about to begin a new life in the United States, but all of it is bulsh**! There is no such thing as achieving the American dream! I am suffering on a daily basis. I can’t stand it anymore. I haven’t eaten in days and I have never been this dissatisfied with my life. When I am finally able to buy some pieces of old bread in the market, my mara, who are supposed to be like my family, assault me and rob every piece of it. As if it was not enough they end up threatening me that if I don’t buy them more food in the next 24 hours, they will turn me over to la Mara 18 and give them the pleasure to kill me. I tried to escape once and I only ended up in more trouble, you know this sh** is driving me crazy! My mom once told me to follow my dreams and that I was capable of becoming an honorable man in my life. Look where I’ve ended. What would she think of me!? She’s dead now because my father killed her after he found out she was having an affair with her boss. I know it’s not something to be proud of, but after he did that I felt suicidal, but instead ran over to my father’s house and murdered him with a machete. What else could I have done? He stole the last piece of hope I had. Without Mamalu, my life did not mean anything; I did not have a goal to go after. My dad kicked me out of the house. That is when I decided to become part of La Mara Salvatrucha. You see, they are my family now. They taught me how to survive in this miserable world full of stuck-up people who never fucki** help the poor and want all riches to themselves. We take care of those ones; a day or two after we spot them, they are gone forever from this world. For years I was too fucki** stupid to believe they were my family, but all they do is hurt the hell out of me and treat me like shi*! After several rides on train to the States, I met Enrique. It was an escape from the threats, crimes, and murders. He was a real friend. We rode on many more trains and mutually decided we could trust each other. If only he knew in how much trouble he was getting himself into. I introduced him to my Mara, and they all accepted him into the gang. We all protected him and knew he was meant to be part of the gang. One day one marero from MS asked him to kill a random member from la Mara 18, our enemies. He did not like that and refused to do it. I really thought it was the end of poor Enrique, but it wasn’t. Mara Salvatrucha decided to just abandon him and get going on another train without Enrique. They simply left him behind. I wish they did the same to me. I wish they would not hurt me and just let me be in peace alone without more suffering. Maybe someday I will have that fucki** life. For now, I will just have to go around with this group of shitt* “friends”.
So long, Motha Fuck*